


HFIL (Hell) Is a Wal-Mart Super Center

by saiyajinsama



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Goofy - Freeform, Humor, puerile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-08-16
Updated: 2002-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 00:38:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20267173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saiyajinsama/pseuds/saiyajinsama
Summary: Vegeta is caught in commerce crisis--I mean, he's in Walmart, yo!





	HFIL (Hell) Is a Wal-Mart Super Center

The alarm goes off beside the bed. Loudly, the lyrics of "The Thong Song" pour out of the speaker. Slowly, a hand reaches out and turns the alarm off. This person has spiky black hair and a widows peak.

It is none other than VEGETA.

Vegeta gets out of bed and heads toward the bathroom. His hair is drooping over to the side. It not seeming to bother him, he opens the medicine cabinet. The contents include a strange array of bottles and containers covered in cobwebs and guarded by moths. He grabs the empty tube of toothpaste and forces some onto his shabby tooth brush. The whole time he is doing this, he is staring blankly at the wall, purple bags under his eyes.

Next, he's off to the kitchen to make coffee. He picks up a cracked coffee cup and pours watery coffee in it. From a bare and stinking refridgerator, he takes out a carton of milk. He holds it upside down and slowly a single drop falls into the cup. Then he puts the carton back in the fridge. From a jar, Vegeta scrapes what few grains of sugar are left with a plastic spoon into his coffee and calmly stirs, still staring. He takes a sip of the horrid coffee and the expression on his face still doesn't change.

Back in his room, Vegeta looks in his bare closet, and finds only a pair of spandex pants and a souvenir shirt from Namek that says, "I Died On Namek And All I Got Was This Shirt". He grabs them with the same look of indifference on his face.

From there, Vegeta enters bathroom again and closes door.

After a few minutes...  
"AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

He explodes into super saiya-jin with veins bulging sickeningly on his forehead.

His container of gel is completely empty.

With a crash, Vegeta blasts out of the bathroom window not even bothering to put his boots on. He flies madly to the nearest store which just happens to be...

The Wal-Mart Super Center  
Boldy, since he is the Prince, Vegeta enters the store to see Nappa sitting on a stool, snickering at Vegeta's hair while greeting customers, like an old person.

NAPPA: Heh heh!!!!

Vegeta walks on, mumbling something about a weak loser.

Further in the store...  
By now, Vegeta has calmed down somewhat (but he's still in super saiya-jin mode, though).

VEGETA: Well, since I'm here I'll go get all the things that I'm out of. Let's see... GEL, er, uh, what else?

Vegeta continues walking down the aisle which, typical of wal-mart stores, held goldfish in tanks of murky water.

Elsewhere in Wal-Mart...  
GOHAN: Gosh Mom, school let out yesterday, its summer vacation.

CHI CHI: ::Picking up all sorts of school supplies:: Ah, but you're going to prepare for next year so you'll ace 2nd grade!

GOHAN: AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Back with the Prince...  
Vegeta walks by the part of the store where the *expensive* makeup, jewelry, and perfume are sold. Kuririn is busy trying to spray a disgusting smelling perfume on people.

KURIRIN: Heh heh, I don't have a nose so I don't have to smell it!!

Vegeta then sees Kakarotto on one side of a counter putting blush on Freeza's cheeks.

VEGETA: WHAT in the name of Kami are you doing, Kakarotto?!?!

GOKU: I'm showing Freeza how to bring out the color in his, er, her, uh, its cheeks ::Laughs nervously::

VEGETA: ::Mumbles some more:: ...just a pretty boy like--

Tien is showing Zarbon the delicate women's jewelry.

VEGETA: ::shaking head:: ...inferior imbeciles...

Vegeta, on the way to food department, passes Master Roshi who is in the women's underwear department. Vegeta uses a blast to remove Roshi from his cart. Then, Vegeta flings the panties in the cart out, and pushes it on toward the food.

Vegeta sees Goku, again. He is sitting at a small table, cooking samples of sausage on a frying pan. He cheerily asks Vegeta a question while looking at a cue card.

GOKU: Hey, Vegeta, taste this yummy sausage. Here's a 2 cent coupon for it. Here, I'll show you. I'll taste a piece!!

Vegeta's not listening. Goku daintily picks up a piece of sausage, and swallows it whole.

GOKU: Mm, mm good!! Just like Mom used to make!!

VEGETA: ::wheeling around to face Goku:: FOOL, you never met your mother! She's DEAD!!

By then, though, Goku's eaten all of the cooked sausage. He starts sweating, eyeing the uncooked portion of sausage left, lying on the table. Finally, he snatches it up and crams the whole thing in his mouth.

VEGETA: ...low class baka...

A Namekian with a cartfull of gallons of water is standing a few feet away, not paying attention. Nearby, there is a display for bottled water around which is a crowd of other Namekians.

Vegeta moves on, carefully selecting a carton of milk. Goku is steadily, yet laboriously, chewing. Vegeta gets coffee, sugar, flour, shaving cream, toothpaste, tooth brush, and finally...

GEL  
Vegeta inspects all of the brands and finally decides on an armful and deposits it into his cart. Even calmer now, Vegeta heads to the clothing department for "temporary body covering". On the way, he passes...

Yajirobe is behind a weapons counter helping Mirai Trunks find a suitable Katana blade. Mirai Trunks is closely inspecting one, then suddenly swings his arm backwards in Vegeta's direction, testing Vegeta's alertness (what for???). Vegeta merely lifts a gloved wrist, completely stopping the blade. He keeps on pushing the cart. Yajirobe and Mirai Trunk's mouths are hanging wide open.

MIRAI TRUNKS: He didn't say a word, didn't even look back!!?!?!?

Vegeta reaches the clothing department. He grabs some spandex, pair of gloves, boxers, and socks. He passes the magazine aisle and picks up the latest copy of his favorite manga. He pushes while reading, not paying attention to where he's going. He suddenly runs over something.

It's GOKU!!  
He's looking really sick...

VEGETA: Move out of the way scum. If you weren't as dumb as a rock you wouldn't have eaten that trash. Your whole family is MORONS. Just scum on the bottom of the wheel of this cart. Third class... [on and on and on].

Goku tries to go super saiya-jin, but is too ill. Vegeta uses one of his finger blasts, hitting Goku square in the gut. Goku belches a foul burp, temporarily immobilizing Vegeta.

GOKU: Ahhhhhh... Thanks Vegeta, I feel good enough to take you on now.

VEGETA: Well, make an appointment. I don't have time for you now.

Vegeta walks on, leaving Goku with his mouth wide open.

Vegeta observes the check-out lines. He complains about pathetic humans flocking to a bothersome store. He finally selects a line.

20 minutes later...  
Vegeta is sitting on top of his cart mouthing off at the people around him. He starts yelling at the cashier, whom he can't even see.

CUSTOMER #1: Why don't you be patient like the rest of us?

VEGETA: Why don't you Shut Your Pie Hole, you idiotic baka.

CUSTOMER #2: Sir, could you please not talk so rudely, it's disturbing my child.

VEGETA: You can just shut your pie hole too! Maybe I'll just Final Flash both of you scum to the next dimension!

CUSTOMER #1: Huh?

CUSTOMER #2: What?

VEGETA: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

************ BLAST ************  
There are two greasy spots on the floor

10 minutes later...  
Vegeta is mumbling to himself about low class garbage. The person behind him accidently bumps Vegeta's cart.

VEGETA: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!?!?!?!

Person is cowering in fear behind their cart. Vegeta starts REALLY powering up when...

CASHIER: NEXT! And make it quick. ...grumble, grumble...

Vegeta stops in mid power-up, looks around, powers down, and lands behind his cart, and calmly pushes the cart to the register who is--

PICCOLO: Hurry up, Prince Monkey, and put your stuff up here. ...can't believe I'm still working here... What?! Put your junk UP HERE!!!

VEGETA: How dare you treat me with such disrespect! UNFORGIVEABLE!!

Vegeta starts powering up, again.

PICCOLO: Do you want to leave with that garbage in your cart? That gel specifically. You're lookin real shabby.

Vegeta thinks a minute, then starts piling stuff on the counter with a purely evil look in his eye. Piccolo pays no attention as he simultaneously mumbles and scans all of the items. The veins are begining to bulge on Vegeta's temple, again.

PICCOLO: Alright Fur Ball, that'll be $97.63.

VEGETA: WHAT!!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!

PICCOLO: ::sighs:: Just pay up, tight wad.

VEGETA: NEVER!!!!!! I'LL SHOW YOU, I'LL SHOW YOU ALL. I'LL JUST USE MY GALLIC GUN AND BLOW THE WHOLE THING UP!!!!!!!!

He blasts out the window. Anyone who knew what Vegeta's Gallic Gun did, flocked out the doors of the store just in time to see it engulfed in bright energy, then in smoke. When the smoke cleared, all that remained was a smouldering charred hole, where the Wal-Mart Super Center used to be.

Afterwards...  
The alarm goes off beside the bed. Loudly, the lyrics of "Oops, I Did It Again" tumble out of the machine. Vegeta gets up and goes into the bathroom.

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
Vegeta blasts through the already busted window, flying satanically past a charred spot, toward a large red K in the distance...

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a looong time ago...


End file.
